


Like All Things, It Ends- Feliciano's Side

by gdesertsand



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Family Drama, Feliciano's side of the story, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oneshot, Pretending, Reminiscing, thinking of the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 03:18:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8473405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gdesertsand/pseuds/gdesertsand
Summary: It was hard to pretend when all you want was to help your brother. It was hard to watch from the sidelines when your brother was slowly falling apart. All Feliciano wanted was to help Lovino. (This is Feliciano's side of the story 'Like All Things, It Ends' written by CodeVassie.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! As mentioned from the summary this oneshot is all about Feliciano's side from the story [Like All Things, It Ends by CodeVassie](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11698534/1/Like-All-Things-It-Ends)  
> Read it first before reading this one to make sense of the story!

"And everything changed when the fire nation attacked..."

 

Feliciano mumbled under his breathe while he continued staring at the blank canvas before him. The paint brush was being kept upright by his right hand while the color palette was held by his left hand, even though the said palette had no paints on it to be used. He remembered that phrase from the show Lovino and he used to watch when they were children and not teenagers having crisis in life.

 

That phrase was iconic and pretty funny when friends used it as a joke. But it stopped being funny for Feliciano when it started hitting too close to home.

 

Ten years ago everything changed. You could say that the fire nation did indeed attacked their family and left them in ruins, though in their case the fire nation was just a single man.

 

A serial killer who had no real reason for killing their mother aside from the fact that the murderer felt doing it. Just for the excitement and feeling that he had someone else’s life within his hands, literally. That, in the killer's words, he felt he was a supreme being for he had life and death on his hands.

 

The fact that their Mamma left them to depart for the afterlife, their sorrows didn't ended up there.

 

Feliciano grabbed the tube containing a cadmium color and placed a necessary amount that he deemed acceptable on his palette before letting the brush sipped its color and made swaying movements on the canvas.

 

Sometimes he wished that he was there instead of his brother. But he knew that he would only posed a greater problem if he was indeed the one who had witnessed firsthand the murder of their mother. He was not as strong as Lovino. If it was Feliciano he would had given up in life before he had reached half of it.

 

But Lovino was just a child also back then. The scenario messed up his brother's mind really bad. But Feliciano would never blame Lovino no matter how many sufferings they would encounter within the family. No, Feli would always help or at least attempt to help Lovino when walking through the darkness in his mind. It was never Lovino's fault no matter how many times his older brother thinks so in himself.

 

Feliciano was a crybaby and easily be scared. He had reasons to be scared. He had faced a lot of fears and majority of them concerns Lovino.

 

He had chosen a shade of gray this time that was leaning closer to white and applied it on the canvas.

 

Yes, most of Feliciano's fears revolved around Lovino. When Nonno picked them up from the police station he had feared that his Fratello would never speak to him again. So he was relieved that Lovino learned how to talk again after the shock left his system. Feliciano, being a child himself that time, thought that everything was fine again.

 

And as a normal child, he didn't know that things were not easily solved just like that.

 

He didn't realized back then how fragile the human mind was. Not until he had witnessed it with his own eyes. And for the second time, he felt this crippling fear for his Fratello again.

 

Both he and Lovino loved to paint but now...now it was only Feliciano who still kept painting just like what he was doing now. Lovino was still a little bit queasy whenever he saw red paints that hadn't dried off yet but he could deal with it somehow now unlike in the past where the same red paint could send Lovino into hysterics or panic attacks. No, Lovino now settled in sketching his arts. Charcoal art if it would be specified.

 

He dipped some black to contrast the light colors on the canvas.

 

Lovino had developed PTSD and Nonno explained it to Feliciano as best as he could. Nonno desperately wished that Feliciano would understand the state of Lovino's mind. And Feli did or at least he had interpreted it as 'being careful around Lovino for one mistake would hurt him really bad'. That was also the time that Feliciano realized he needed to be strong for the two of them. He needed to act like an older brother just like how Lovino protected him from monsters at night.

 

But Feliciano could not always see and fight the monsters inside Lovino's mind.

 

And it was those monsters that always defeated Feliciano whenever he was trying to help Lovino in seeing the positive sides of life.

 

The third time Feliciano felt scared for his Fratello was the time when Lovino was diagnosed with clinical depression. The time that Lovino started taking his medicines.

 

Feliciano knew the ideas running around Lovino's mind. The ideas being whispered by the monsters inside his brother's mind. Sometimes Feliciano hated the fact that he could easily read Lovino most of the times. Not 100% Lovino's mind reader but Feliciano could pick up what his brother's thinking based from the way his eyes twitched to the way his body moved.

 

_I'm a burden._

_I am ruining this family._

_Everyone was being dragged down by me because I could not keep my mouth shut and let them sleep in peace._

_I should be there for Feliciano_

_I am the big brother I should be the one taking care of him._

_I don't deserve their kindness, I can't even repay them for taking their time spending around me. My mind is a mess. I am a mess._

Feliciano knew these were the thoughts running around like a roller coaster inside Lovino's head. And Feli wanted to contradict every negative ones that Lovino engraved in his mind and soul. That no, he was not a burden and would never be a burden for they were a family. That no, he was not ruining anything, in fact Lovino was the one ruined in this case. That yes, he was a mess but a mess that they were willing to fix. They would not mind if the mess could not be transformed as good as new or the same before it was broken, the only thing that mattered was to patch up the walls and roof to prevent the water to leak further inside and drown its occupants. That yes, Lovino was the only big brother that Feliciano wanted to have.

 

Feliciano chose to use the green color this time on his canvas.

 

What broke Feliciano's heart the most was that before he could utter those words, Lovino decided to retreat before them. They knew, of course they knew all this time. How Lovino tried to muffle his screams at night when he woke up from a nightmare. How Lovino pretended that everything was fine through his snarky attitude. How Lovino tried to distract himself by drowning in school works (he got higher grades compared to Feliciano).

 

Worst of all, how Lovino was slowly and ever slowly breaking apart from the inside.

 

They tried to help while pretending that they didn't know how the nightmares always kept Lovino awake at night. Feliciano tried to pretend that he was the oblivious younger brother while watching Lovino closely in case a major breakdown happened.

 

They pretended they didn't know and tried to respect Lovino's decision to keep up the façade. They thought that their constant worrying or babying just added to the stress that Lovino had in mind. So they back off a little.

 

But things would always had its way to take a wrong turn.

 

Feliciano feared again Lovino's mental state when they changed their home location. A new school, a new town, and new people would bound to give Lovino the stress he didn't want to deal with. So Feliciano decided that his Fratello needed some friends. If Lovino could not speak his problems with his family then Feliciano hoped that a friend could help his brother. A new ear that could be trusted to listen for Lovino's sorrows.

 

Feliciano was happy to note that Antonio took an interest towards Lovino. And in a good way of course because if not then Feli was going to show them what was really the word 'hell' for.

 

Lovino being Lovino initially thought that Antonio was just being good to him because he was a brother of Feliciano. It was a good thing that Antonio was more persistent and stubborn compared to Feliciano and finally proved to Lovino his friendship and something akin more to it.

 

Feliciano dared to hope that his brother would heal with Antonio's help.

 

Feliciano should not have totally let his guard down just because Antonio entered the picture.

 

This time, Feliciano decided that brown would be good on his painting.

 

Lovino started acting strange that week. By strange, Feliciano meant that his brother was starting to spiral down again in his depressive state. Not just the usual one that comes here and there, no, this one was a serious case. Lovino was starting to lose his interest in life again.

 

So Friday that week, Feliciano lied on the breakfast table that he would be late coming home for he needed to visit Ludwig. Everyone believes him and Lovino did too. It was a good thing that Feliciano's final class made an early dismissal and gave him enough time to investigate his brother's room. He had a suspicion of what was going on but he dared hope that he was wrong because Lovino promised him, Lovino never broke a promise to Feliciano.

 

Imagine how his world shattered when he found the bottle of prescription with no signs of being opened.

 

Feliciano felt furious that time. Not pure anger for the sake of anger but madness that stemmed from fear. Why did Lovino stopped taking his medicine? No matter how Lovino wanted to keep playing the pretend game he never dared to stop taking his medicine. Why now?

 

When Lovino finally arrived home that day Feliciano wanted to lash out at him. To scream about what he was thinking and decided to stop the only thing keeping him to stay above water for a while. But when Feliciano saw the bags under Lovino's eyes, the sullen expression and the defeated body stance, Feliciano was once again reminded that this was not his brother's fault. Lovino had no control over his mind. For once again the monsters won and Lovino got tired defending himself against their harmful whispers. That Feliciano needed to stop this pretending game if he wanted to help Lovino. As a brother, and as a family, Feliciano would not let Lovino gave up his life. Feliciano would not allow the case ten years ago to destroy his brother's future.

 

_"I'm not okay....I was never okay."_

Feliciano should be horrified that his brother was having a breakdown on the kitchen floor but instead he felt this immense relief that finally, _finally_ Lovino decided to take off his mask, to let his family helped him like what was supposed to be done years ago.

 

That finally his Fratello was letting himself to heal. It was true that there would always be an ugly scar as a reminder of what happened but that would all be it, an ugly scar and not a festering wound. That the parasites leaching off Lovino's emotions would finally lessen. That Lovino would finally have a chance to be truly happy for he decided that enough was enough and it was time to shatter the mask.

 

Feliciano knew that Antonio was a good influence when he had learned that it was the Spaniard that convinced his brother to tell the truth. But there were no lies towards the family in the first place, Lovino was only lying to himself.

 

Feliciano put down his materials and stared at his new creation. He giggled a little on what he was doing all this time while he was lost in his musings. He painted a basket of tomatoes on top of a picnic blanket under an oak tree.

 

Yes, like all things, it ends. A new chapter for new possibilities would now start for everyone.

* * *

 

Christmas celebration in the Vargas household was one of Feliciano’s favorites. Not only because that the whole family was going wild from decorating the whole house up to cooking for the festivity but also because everyone was so happy and being affected by the joyful spirit being spread around by their Grandpa. Also this year’s Christmas was very special for all of them. The first time that Lovino celebrated without a care for the world.

 

Lovino and Feliciano kicked out their Grandpa and cousin from the kitchen. This time it would be the brothers who would cook their foods. They invited their friends also. Ludwig, Gilbert, Kiku, and Francis on Feliciano’s side while Emma and Antonio on Lovino’s side. Well…Antonio was Lovino’s boyfriend now.

 

As promised the celebration went out of hand when the alcohols were brought out. Grandpa Roma and Gilbert even managed to convince Lovino to take some shots and now most of the guests as well as the original occupants of the house were singing off keys Christmas carols. Feliciano laughed at the ridiculousness of the scene before him and he even dared to take pictures for future blackmail materials. Seriously, he would not passed the moment that Ludwig was clinging like a child to his brother while Kiku was trying to tackle down the others in a playful manner.

 

“Wow! I never thought that things can get this crazy when you put all this people together.” Antonio remarked as he drink a glass of water and leaned his back on the sofa.

 

Both Feliciano and Antonio were the only sober ones in the room. They had put Emma on Feliciano’s bed to give the woman a restful sleep and not be disturbed from the rest of the drunken men.

 

“Well, this is the spirit of alcohol we are talking about after all.” Feliciano giggled and nibbled on a piece of chocolate. He watched as Lovino stole the microphone from Gilbert and started singing in Italian.

 

“So… you and my brother, huh?”

 

“Ah…yes.” Antonio placed the glass on the table in front of the sofa. He knew that this conversation would turn serious.

 

“Ve~ you will not be angry at me if I will give you the ‘protective brother speech’ right?” Feliciano looked at Antonio with an innocent smile on his face.

 

“Of course not! It’s natural after all!”

 

“Ve! That’s a relief! So…” Feliciano grabbed a fistful of Antonio’s shirt and opened his eyes. The Spaniard was taken off guard when he saw the intensity of seriousness behind the younger Vargas’ eyes, “I will make this short. Hurt my brother, you’re dead. Make my brother cry, you’re dead. Open the wounds in his mind, you will not die but you will wish you are. Play with my brother’s feelings…I will personally deliver you to hell. Do we understand each other, bastard?”

 

Antonio just nodded as fast as he could for he did not trust his voice to come out from his throat. Feliciano let go of him and returned to his default happy state.

 

“Ve! I’m glad Lovino have you now as a partner. But one wrong move and I will be breathing behind your back!”

 

No one could stop Feliciano from taking care of Lovino.


End file.
